What should I talk about?
What should be the easiest thing to talk about?
I spent a number of years at New York City working with guys coming out of addiction, homelessness, and incarceration. One of my roles working at the Bowery Mission Residential Center was managing volunteers who wanted to mentor, tutor, or do whatever they could to contribute to the guys’ process of recovery.
It was pretty cool to watch mostly young professionals rub shoulders with men coming out of really rough situations. Part of my job was to orient the volunteers on how to relate to them.
The most frequent questions they asked were like, “What do I say to these guys?” or “What should I talk about?”.
I would often tell them the easiest thing to talk about is their past. What their drug of choice was, why they were homeless, or what it was like being incarcerated. All things volunteers thought they should avoid.
This idea is hard to grasp. And I think it’s because of shame and denial. Until you actually hit rock bottom you’re ashamed and hide your ugly stuff. You deny it. Once you finally bottom out, your crap is all over you. No more hiding it.
But the guys in the program wore their stuff on their sleeves. Their addictions or incarceration is so much a part of who they are and have been, it’s what’s easiest to talk about. It’s what they need to talk about.
And that’s the main reason why there was such hope for them. They were willing to talk about it, willing to get help. It’s why they came to us and why, with help and support, I saw so many turn the corner on their sordid pasts. Seventeen year heroine addicts, even 25 year drinkers.
So what about you? Are you hiding, denying, changing the topic? Do you refuse to talk about it? Well, I get it. But nothing will change until you do. A vital form of courage is tackling the thing that’s got a hold on you. It’ll fight back, but so can you. Especially if you have someone in your corner who knows your opponent, first hand.
Give me a call and we’ll talk it over. It’s time to get going. Gaining control is worth fighting for.
Tim
PS—BTW, the question, “Am I an alcoholic?” terrified me. But the answer might surprise you in a good way. Check out how we look at it these days. There are a few questions here you’ll want to ask yourself.
