I’ve got a question for you…
…And it’s a tough question. But first, let me share a story with you..
Michael (not his actual name) had just come come out of the intake office. He was being considered against the better judgment of some of the staff. I had only been working in lower Manhattan at the Bowery Mission Residential Program a month or so and man was I out of my element. I went down to meet the new guy. And still new to this stuff, I had no idea what I would say.
Michael was 34 years old with a slight build. Not skinny, but maybe 150 pounds at 5’9”. I introduced myself and with glassy, bloodshot eyes he looked up at me and offered his hand. I could feel his tremors and see he was visibly shaking.
I asked him what brought him there and he explained he was raised in The Bronx, just a few miles north of where we sat. That he is addicted to heroine. He went straight to it: “They just told me I need to detox before coming in, but if I go back out there. I won’t make it.”
After a short talk I told Michael to just breathe deep and get rest. That we’d talk again tomorrow. We let Mike settle in to get over his initial withdrawals, which he did.
I’ll talk more about his story in an upcoming letter. You’ll want to hear the rest.
I bring up that initial talk with Michael to say this, waiting until you know how or what to say to someone who’s hurting or struggling, usually means you don’t say anything. Waiting until you or someone you love hits bottom is way past the time to ask the question.
And the question has many forms: “Are you struggling?” “Are you hurting?” “Are you addicted?” You already know the answer.
These are all forms of “How can I help you?”, and they show you care. And if you’re asking yourself the question, it means you’re wondering.
It’s incredibly helpful to ask the question nobody wants to ask. Maybe it’s the question you’ve been wrestling with yourself. “Am I an alcoholic?” makes you really nervous. But maybe you need not only ask the question, but get the answer.
Click here to get it.
Tim
PS—Please pass this on. And if you want to talk, then let’s do it. We can kick things around and figure out next steps. No harm in that. No commitment necessary.
