Asking the wrong question?

In my last couple of newsletters I’ve offered something to answer the question, “Am I an alcoholic?”. If you haven’t signed up for that, do it. I don’t mind giving you a spoiler alert: You’re not an alcoholic. Nobody is. 

If we imbibe at all then we’re on a spectrum, somewhere short of having a mild Alcohol Use Disorder to having a severe AUD. There’s a number of questions there that I found quite interesting. Check it out here.

But if you’re like most of us who enjoy our drink, whether you’re an alcoholic may not be something you’re thinking a lot about. Maybe it is. It’s mostly a question I pushed out of my mind. The label didn’t fit me. 

For the most part, I was highly functional, didn’t get a DUI, and didn’t day-drink (well, not before 4-5pm, anyway). I was seldom outright drunk, and was pretty coherent (before 9-10pm, anyway). 

Problem was, I increasingly knew something wasn’t right. I felt it was my choice and nobody got to tell me different. I’m a grown-ass man, right? And besides that, I liked having a few rounds, especially if a game was on, or it was the weekend or a holiday, or it was after 5pm.

Again, I was very functional. I wasn’t a problem drinker, really. I didn’t keep a cabinet full of liquor or have a fridge full of beer. I did always have enough for the evening and that by design. In fact, I began thinking about it by early afternoon. Every day. 

You can see where I’m going with this. Alcohol had become more than just something to do. It was significant to me. It tied up a lot of my head space and I knew it. More than a few times I thought about when the last night was that I didn’t drink. Those were long stretches. 

The main question was not whether I was an alcoholic. What mattered was not that, but whether I wanted to change some things. More specifically, whether I was open to changing some things.

Fast forward to now. I’m hanging out with my wife at Charleston, enjoying Folly Beach. The beach is right out front our door, steps away. A pool is just steps to my right. And you can have drinks from the bar brought right to you while you soak up the sun. Amazing, right?

Actually it is. It’s glorious. Glorious because alcohol has become small and irrelevant to me. And I was no doubt moving well toward the severe end of the spectrum. I walk right by the bar by the pool several times a day, and everyone around is enjoying their favorite beverage. 

And I’m fine. Really good, actually. 

The process I went through to get to this place didn’t require willpower, didn’t mean I had to deprive myself of something I loved, and didn’t involve a bunch of rules to follow. I didn’t have to call myself an alcoholic. I didn’t even make a PSA that I was quitting. I kind of feared saying that.

But come to find out the process wasn’t painful. What I got was peace of mind. The feeling that I don’t have to drink, wake up hungover, or make a daily plan that includes a stop for my favorite IPA. I feel good.

I want to share that process with you. It’s not a silver bullet and it ain’t magic. But it’s effective. 

It’s not a “fake it ’til you make it” type thing. It does require a desire to change, to have something different. To be something different, moving forward.

If you’re fine with where you are, then no worries. Just let me know when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Then we’ll go to work, and we’ll get there.

Tim

PS—I mentioned the “Am I an alcoholic?” thing earlier. Do check it out, just for the info, if nothing else. It’s informative. Plus, that will put you on my mailing list. I’m planning some things that you’ll want to hear about. Some things that just may be life-changing for you.