What can you control?

There is some really annoying construction going on near our home. It’s not just your usual carpentry noise—it’s a big machine with a jackhammer breaking through rock to dig a basement. So loud.

I’m just trying to take in the morning on my back patio like I often do on these gorgeous fall days. I grew up in the country with lots of quiet, peaceful mornings to enjoy and I like them. They do me good. The rest of my day typically gets a bit hectic and not so quiet, so peaceful starts matter to me.

But this damned construction. So annoying. Don’t they know they’re affecting the morning of everyone in the neighborhood? Everything was fine until a few days ago. Then the jackhammer started.

To be honest I’m a little mad. I just talked to my neighbor—so is she! We feel like this is ruining our day. No, ruining our week. But as the noise just stopped and I’m getting a chance to actually hear myself think, it occurs to me what might be going on.

It could be that they are finally getting to add on what they’ve needed for years. Maybe they’re adding a room for their disabled relative or friend who needs help and a place to live. Maybe they’re repairing the foundation issue that has been an ongoing problem. Who knows? I haven’t asked them. 

But here’s what I do know. I and many of my neighbors are letting it—yes, allowing it—to ruin our day. When I think about it, I realize every house nearby has a basement that required digging, and boards that were hammered. Including mine.

Truth is, there’s always noise. And if not outside, there’s plenty in my own head. To escape this I can drive a few hours away and relax, and maybe there won’t be a project going on there. Or maybe there will be. And if not, there’s still this noise in my head.

Question is, what will you do to escape that noise? How will you deal with it? You can’t shut down the local construction, but you can blame it for your own lack of peace, for ruining your day. You can.

For most of us, control is the goal. But the fact is there’s only so much you can control. Every day there’s plenty of stuff that will bother you—if you let it. And that noise in your head will literally drive you to drink, if it hasn’t already.

But there are better ways to deal with it. That noise in your head has a lot of sources. Most of it is in the form of voices. Not the kind that indicates you’re crazy, just the kind that results from a lifetime of experiences and observations, and the conclusions you’ve drawn from them. 

Those voices form narratives that constantly run in the background of your mind. And here’s the heck of it—they may not be based on reality at all! But those narratives result in beliefs that become the basis of your operating system. And that operating system can result in behaviors that aren’t really in line with who you truly are, or who you want to be.

The good news is that your operating system can be reprogrammed. Ways of thinking can be rebuilt and based on the reality that you actually are a kind, caring person who wants the best for those you love—and yourself.

The result will be a life you never want to escape. A life where you control the things that once controlled you. 

A life worth living.

One that’s free of the needless noise that robs you of the peace you so desire. 

Here’s to getting started,

Tim

PS—Reprogramming your mind is a process. But it’s doable, for sure. If you know someone who could benefit from getting started, please share.