I just read a book.

This book was written by someone about my age and is basically a memoir, telling her story. I mention the age part because that’s significant to me. We’re close in years, have vastly different stories, yet they’re incredibly similar.

What impressed me is the amount of suffering she’s endured without becoming bitter or hateful. She’s actually gained from it.

She and I can look back—something you tend to do at our ages—and see events and stretches that had tremendous affects on our lives. Some for better, others for worse.

What’s interesting is that those past experiences had everything to do with who we became—who I am.

As I look back it seems there’s a common thread running throughout. As I age it’s more clear than ever what that reoccurring thread is.

It comes in different forms, but includes these elements: pain, hardship, suffering. 

I feel very much the same person I’ve always been. But I’ve changed. In some ways, dramatically. I’m still an optimist, think every problem has a solution, and tend to see the bright side.

But I’m different.

I’m convinced personality tests are about as reliable as my horoscope. Each time I’ve taken one I’ve gotten vastly different results. Even when repeating the same tests! Last results I got said I have four different personalities—roughly 25% each. Is that even possible? 

I doubt it. But I would hate to think with all I’ve been through that I’m the same. Experience ought to change us. But whether it does or not depends on a few things.

If you own your actions and are open to the possibility of being wrong, or simply admit you blew it, then what you stand to gain can be huge. 

The student who fails a test has options. Admit and examine the mistakes that led to the failure and gain much, or don’t (no growth, no gain, only failure). One thing’s for sure: if you won’t rethink, admit, or acknowledge the possibility of mistakes made, then another test is coming. Guaranteed. 

Here’s the thing about tests, both in the classroom and in life. They don’t teach you anything. They simply measure progress up til now. They do show you where learning is needed and what you lack—if you’ll have it.

I’m not the same person now that I was in the past. Question is, what person will I become? Next year's version of me won’t be today’s. But I have everything to do with how the future me turns out. 

So do you.

I hope you gain much from your upcoming hardships and difficulties. I said, “your upcoming hardships” because one thing life has shown me is, they are coming. You won’t escape them. Life is hard.

What in your life is undermining your success, your career, your relationships or health? Is it your need to be right? Your ongoing alcohol use? Maybe it’s something else.

In the future you will look back and be glad you finally made a move on some things. You’ll want to know your hardest stretches weren’t wasted—that you gained much from them. Those that were your fault, and those that weren’t. 

Are you now at a turning point where your story changes for the better? Don’t miss it.

Cheers,

Tim

PS—I’ve often been floored at my past unwillingness to consider, much less, admit I was wrong. That what I’m doing isn’t working. That maybe I needed to rethink and make some things right. Listen, your story has and will affect more than just you. Our people are worth it—you are worth it. A conversation can change everything. Call me.

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