Are you sure?
Does your certainty mean you’re right? That may give you confidence—even faith—but does that mean you are correct?
Because I work with people who have recognized their alcohol use may have turned into something beyond their control, I thought I should address a couple of things.
I’m not just talking about alcohol here. Just because we don’t think we have an issue doesn’t mean we don’t.
I know people who simply believe if they pray about a decision and don’t hear otherwise, then it’s a good one. Is that enough?
I once counseled a guy who had just been locked up for 22 years. He felt totally wronged by the system. A neighbor of his inappropriately touched his wife, so he prayed about it and felt completely justified in punishing him with a baseball bat. He got a manslaughter charge.
I know that’s an extreme example, but think about it.
A few questions may be in order ahead of your certainty. “Is this good for everyone involved?”, “Is there a better way?”, “What am I afraid of?”
These questions require an openness to the fact you may be wrong.
Putting your decision-making ahead of your question-asking can be problematic.
But here’s what I’ve learned about my decisions. They are pivotal moments in which I may find what’s really driving my behavior.
Here’s a few:
The need to be right.
The need to protect your self-image and reputation.
The need to control the narrative.
The need to be the person you think everyone perceives you to be.
The need to appear as the person you actually want to be.
Figuring this out ahead of a decision saves us and others a lot of grief. Finding out post-decision—that’s when we realize something about ourselves needs adjustment. It’s called learning, depending on your response.
The question has never been whether we will make mistakes, but what we do once we make them. Do you justify and deny, then refuse to own it? That guarantees another lesson is needed—and it will come.
Just because you have a few drinks a few nights per week doesn’t mean you’re an alcoholic. You’ve obviously formed a habit. But think about this: alcohol is a highly addictive substance. If you only enjoyed meth or crack a few nights a week, would anyone think you had an issue? Hmm.
We rightly tend to think of cocaine, meth or heroin as being those extremely dangerous drugs. The fact is alcohol is as addictive and claims more lives yearly. It’s just more accepted.
Just because you think you don’t have an issue doesn’t mean you don’t.
And just because you think you are right doesn’t mean you are.
It’s OK to be wrong—it happens. It’s how we can learn, how we can get better, #becausehuman. Being open to the possibility will speak volumes to those you care for.
Here’s to getting it right about being wrong.
Tim
PS—Decision-making is hard when it effects more than just ourselves, but it usually does. Being curious ahead of the process means being open for a conversation. There’s no better time than now.
Feel free to share.
