What are your non-negotiables?

What do you value most?

A few days ago I gave a client an exercise to do. I asked him to list all the things he valued in the people he admired most. 

At times we can get pretty down on ourselves and our progress. It can really help to stop and think of the things you truly value and want to be known for. A good starting point is to list what you value in others. Reason being, the things you most want to be true of you, you will see in those you truly respect and admire.

I consider those things to be my non-negotiables. Things not up for debate or discussion. Non-discussables, non-debatable options. Absolutes. 

Unless you think on these things, you’ll often find yourself crossing lines you didn’t want to cross.

And that sucks. That hurts people. Why wait until you’re at the moment of deciding what you’ll do in the heat of a situation, temptation or moment in which you’re actually considering the betrayal of what you most value in yourself?

Why stop in a moment like that to have a discussion about it? Is it on your list of absolutes or not? OR, have you even stopped to decide what’s actually on your list?

Too often we don’t ever stop to consider it. That’s a dangerous place to be. Because of the pressure felt, the potential benefit or the discomfort possible, many of our bad decisions are the result of being made in the moment. Life throws too much at us, too often, for us to live that way.

So don’t. 

Start with a couple of people you would truly love to have on your advisory board, in your corner. List their qualities. Those are likely your values. The things you so want to be known for and be seen in you.

My bet is you have great values, because you recognize them when you see them, and you wish to emulate them. These things matter to you. 

Now, go to work on your thoughts and behavior. Do they line up with your values?

You may have narratives running in your background saying something not true about you. Change those according to who you are and want to be. You may have false beliefs about yourself based on past mistakes—reject those. 

Where you’re headed is far more important than where you’ve been. Your mistakes are data points you gain info from. Make amends where you can and admit your past mistakes. Own them.

And think often on your values, your core values, that you want to be known for. Live out of those and you’ll feel better about yourself. More importantly, you’ll experience inner peace like never before.

Here’s to moving forward well,

Tim

PS—Let me know when you need to talk to somebody safe, in a safe space. I’m here for you.